Ahh, what a life ?
You have faith that the universe will provide, usually it does. That mustard seed of faith we rely on as thinking, doing, conscious beings lets us believe that the rainbow does end and that dream or goal you struggled for will come to those that pursue it. Think again!
There are forces that undermine your rainbow, you can't see them or feel them but they are there, lurking in the background wanting what you have, taking what you strive for, pushing and pulling on the innocent for their own guilty secrets. Such is the scenario of the enabler. The handler, manager, sycophant, deceivers that preys on trust. Greed and envy are the driver and trust and faith have no place to run.
My love had such evil in his life, betrayed, robbed and coerced into oblivion, they knew which buttons to press, how to hold him there and what strings to pull they knew would work for them, Predators taking advantage of a weekness? an illness!! thats the difference in the bigger picture of this, all the while this fake false reality co existed motivated by greed and bias so they could take what was his.. including his life. He once said to me , people are poison in a relationship. It should be you and me and god in between, In hindsight I married an army of evil. Should I have known? How could I? the facade was so clever, so patronising and silent on so many levels, How they all justify their actions is the stuff of movies and fables. Clueless naively he marched to their drum and ended up alone, suffering, fed nothing but lies and promises of things that were never going to come, Caught in the web and enabled to death.
Since his death, I think about the lack of compassion anyone had for me, mainly due to the twisted scenario they called the truth , which was nothing more than a delusional rant We spoke lovingly daily and for some length about our life, progress, safety and health as well as plans . Beautiful plans shutdown by the the ignorant, player hater takers. The idiocy and frustration even now of my plea's going unanswered as if I was dramatising some non existent illness, which was quite real and confirmed in 2006. 3 episodes are unrecoverable, This was his 3rd episode and his last.
He died alone in an empty apartment with no food and no one to care for him while he bought into the lie believing they had his back. . My only consolation was that he figured it out in his final days and wanted to come home but was too ill to travel half way round the world. He wanted to create and participate in his creative pursuits, passions and goals, he wanted to be loved He deserved to live.
I have spent the last 5 years in disbelief and sorrow, how can this be happening, such blatant incomprehensable corruption of not only the moral fibre of our very core, The system failures hiding under the guise of freedom of choice. Being perverted and used is not a choice!... the non existant responses to a man that gave more than he got going unheard while he slowly and painfully slipped away.
Saveable? and you may ask why he didn't do something to save himself?, he did. He stopped drinking, rested, prayed not knowing how sick he was. He believed he would get through it as he had before but the damage and the lack of basic care in his final days. A pattern seen before, they knew it and used it In the past he was rescued and healed but no...... they took him forever.. No medical care was provided which horrifies me to this day, Unsure of where he was with only a taxi driver to get him food etc. I madly tried to zero in on the ip address, emails, called the cops, friends, relations, even ambulance services. booked a flight. Skype and virtual world to help him. It was all too hard obviously too late after 9 days apparently to make "that" call to the creeps interstate. The secret silent men in control. bottom line? they orchestrated this death. No points for him on this track. Only the fraudulent saw any of that. That was!.... the point
Each day is a struggle with lighter moments none the less a struggle with a heavy mind full of questions and answers that would satisfy my soul but you know they will never come. I still have faith. Regaining the motivation to paint, enjoy music. All the things we loved..........decimated. .....I love him dearly
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